Judging a Movie by its Preview

I don't go to the movies as much as I used to.   For every "Skyfall" or "Django Unchained" it seems there are twice as many movies to skip; remakes like "Total Recall", sequels like "Piranah 3-DD", sci-fi like "John Carter", failed blockbusters, tepid comedies, superhero superbombs, and... you get the picture.  Certainly my late-baby boomer demographic accounts for another reason I'm spending less at the box office.

Whether a movie makes my bucket list or blacklist is determined when I see the preview in the theatre or on TV.  Previews are supposed to make you want to see the film by featuring some of the best moments from the movie, so the inclusion of certain scenes are a dealbreaker for me. If a preview contains any of these three insipid ideas, it's a sure bet the movie is a dud.

1. Any preview in which a guy is hit in the balls.  Recent example: 'Parental Guidance' with Billy Crystal.  Granted the scene may be funny, but if the preview includes a guy taking it in the sack, you'll find nothing more inspired in the movie than a guy taking it in the sack.  And the collective "ohh!" of the audience during the preview won't have the same punch when you see it again.

2. Any preview in which a character asks something like "Who are you?", "What's going on here?", "What is this place?" or "Where are we?"  Sure, the pithy remark builds suspense, but over what?   Probably no one involved in making the movie was sure.  A scene that might make me want to see the film is one that answers that dumb question.  'Parker' has sealed its fate with the clip "Who the hell are you?".  In three months you'll have to google the name to remember what the film was about.

3. Any preview in which a man wears women's clothes and the film doesn't include Robin Williams.  The gag was well done in "Mrs. Doubtfire" and "The Birdcage", two Robin Williams movies that made good points about gender roles and played them for laughs.  But as a story twist to run from the cops or blend in with a group of women, it's lame.  If that's one of the best scenes, it won't work even if the guy is hit in the balls.

Thumbs down from me.